Tender Mercies

I was searching through my posts recently and came across one that I wrote last year at this very same time. It was my New Years resolution to myself..To Forgive. I made the title into a link if you want to go read it but a lot of you already have.

Unfortunately I 'm still working on this subject. It's probably something that will take me longer than 1 year to totally get over but here's what I've learned so far in the midst of trying to break it all down and figure it all out. I've discovered the tender mercies I've been blessed with in my life. And in discovering these treasures it has helped ease the pain, the hurt, and the heartache.

I was able to meet my father in August of 2008. The timing was interesting because Mike would be starting school again that month and I knew it would be a year before I would have another opportunity to meet him. I bought my plane ticket for Texas and it just wasn't an option not to go. I know he even had reservations about me coming, a lot having to do with me not approving of his lifestyle which never was an issue for me. But I was going..no matter what anyone said because it was something I just had to do...like I said before, in my mind there was no other option.

The day that I was to leave Texas, my Dad and I were alone in the house. We had about 4 hours to kill before we had to leave for Houston to catch my flight. He sat in his big rocking chair with a very solemn look on his face and I asked what was wrong. He told me that every time he had bargained with God he had always followed through. He asked God to let him keep his job at the paper mill until all of his daughters graduated high school. After my last sister was done, the paper mill closed and he was out of the job. He went on to say that he also prayed his whole life that he would live long enough to see me and that now that it has happened he knew his time was short.."God always keeps his promises" he said.

It was a heart breaking moment. Tears running down his face I knew somehow deep inside he was right and it was something I will never forget. We just sat there, the both of us crying like little girls knowing his fate.

As I got out of his truck at the airport I knew the next time I came to Texas everything would be different. We talked just about everyday after I got home. He would tell me in each conversation that time was running out and this could be the last time we talked. I would always stop him and tell him not to think that way. That February he was killed.

Although I have a hole in my heart that will probably never ever ever mend, as I examine the events that lead  up to that moment I realize the tender mercy the lord gave me. If I hadn't have gone that August I would have never met my Dad in person. If I hadn't pursued looking for him when I did, then it would have been too late later down the line. It's is not a coincidence...not one bit of it. As angry as I am that he is gone, it is eased by my Heavenly Father loving me enough to give me the opportunity, my tender mercy in meeting him and giving me those memories before he was gone. A precious gift I am eternaly thankful for.

Sometimes life can be so cruel. Sometimes our tender mercies are the only things that make this life bearable. Realizing that him leaving this earth was part of his plan helps me forgive the woman who hit him.

When I look at the picture I posted above, I see myself as a little girl. How could our Heavenly Father not love his children? How could the Savior not love his sister? They want us to be happy. My new year's resolution is not only to still pursue forgiving, but seeing the tender mercies in even the worst of times.

May this year be your brightest year!

love,
Heidi