Chapter five: Ugly cries aren't that pretty

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Time was at hand for my easy breezy first official appointment. Official meaning in wasn't a blood test, it wasn't a who beats you, you can tell us appointment. This one was real, like with a real doctor. Baby Loving Man came with me expecting it to be easy breezy too seeing that we had done this three times before. We were pros. We had this under control.

My name was called and guess what? I was on my way to steppy up on that stupid freaking scale. But this time she wasn't pushing the top nob all that far right this time. "Looks like you lost 4 pounds" the nurse says. Hell yes! I smiled knowing that my healthy freaky eating plan was in full gear, but at the same time I thought it was odd. I could see staying the same weight but not loosing it. Oh well, I'm sure it didn't mean anything and so I went into my appointed room.

"Put this on and the doctor will be right in." We both sat there. Looking around at our feet, making our way around the room, fixating on all of the strange sterile equipment. The pictures framed on the wall were there to make you feel a little more relaxed, but I hate to break it to you...swishy lines in watercolor don't do that for most people. Doctor's offices are funny. Even if you've been in them one hundred times before you never feel totally comfortable. I'm sure it usually has something to do with you sitting there half naked waiting for a semi-stranger to come in and say hi. It's like being invited over to someone else's house for dinner and then knowing at some point...you know what, I'm going to stop that analogy dead in it's tracks. You get the point right? It's just not the funnest most inviting thing ever but you know you have to...that's all I'm saying.

The doctor finally comes in with the knock that they do only after they've already started to open the door. I to this day can never figure that out. If you're going to come in...then just commit to it. Don't knock after you're half way inside. If you were trying to warn me I'm pretty sure I could figure it out by the door actually opening. Just saying. So we chit chat about my due date, questions that I have, previous pregnancies and all that jazz. "Okay, are we ready for the ultrasound?" she says. Umm lady, I was born ready. Lets do this.

The machine she's working with has the screen the size of an ipod. From the angle I'm at I could barely see what she was looking at and even if I could see I'm pretty sure I'd have no idea what any of it meant, or what it was to be honest. All I could tell was that she had a perplexed look on her face and kept saying "Hmmmm, let's see, hmmmm." This struck me as a bit odd and I looked over at Baby Loving Man who just shrugged his shoulders. He was in the same boat as me and had no flipping idea what he was looking at. My eyes are still looking at his face waiting for him to give me some sign that he had figure it out when she says "Well there's two sacs" I immediately retort "What does that mean? What does that mean two sacs?" I for sure was under the impression that it was some kind of deformity. I honest to goodness had no idea what the hell she was talking about. "Two sacs...babies...twins, you're having twins" she says.

I am ashamed to repeat what I said in response, but I'm pretty sure it something like "What the eff did you just say, oh sh$@, NOOOO!, what the hell, oh..." and lets just say I made in through the alphabet of ugly words, probably ones in different languages that I've learned along the way. And then...as the thought of what "two" really truly meant, then came the ugly cry. I can only describe it as a half human, half moster kind of sobbing panic. Between the snarrling cries and cussing I was having a out of body experience. There was now way this situation was really happening. I was being punked...Ashton? Where are you?! I seriously thought I was dreaming and I'm not just saying that, I was hyperventilating and going into shock while Baby Loving Man had the dumbest grin plastered across his face. Of course you would be smiling wouldn't you! Stupid man that loves babies!

The doctor probably in fear of her own safety...life even, excused herself. I'm pretty sure she'll be knocking next time. There was nothing I could do to come out of this heart stopping coma cry. This inhuman whale/wolf cry. I am positive packs of wild creatures were forming to come and rescue this beast they thought was beckoning them in dire need of support. It was howling not fit for the human ear. It was primal and it was bad I tell you. Bad.

I finally was able to breath without the snarling sounds, it sounded much more human now, which I think was my doctors cue to knock before she opened the door deciding that the threat of being ripped apart limb from limb had maybe passed. I apologized perfusly repeating "I just wanted one, I can only handle one...not two" It was the only words I could form and became a mantra I just said over and over as I rocked myself. Oh man. Everything was a blur and I couldn't figure out what was up or what was down. I had cracked.

This little life, these silly dreams didn't stand a bleeping chance. The train had come, squashed it, reversed itself dead on the tracks and managed to smashed it to smithereens all over again. I'll Fly Away wasn't even going to cut this one. It would be like high fiving someone that just picked up a tank and hucked it across a football field...a high five just won't do for something like that, and I'll Fly Away wasn't near dramatic enough for what had just happened. I needed Mozarts Requiem in D Minor. It was the only thing that would do this justice. The daunting choir and the violent strings almost scolding it's audience.... it was the only music that would work. I'm pretty sure it was playing during my ugly beastly cry performance too. This was now the theme song to this whole entire nightmare. It was the end. Le fin as the french would say. The curtains were drawing the faster and faster the strings climbed up and down their arpeggios, the choir crying out it's warning to all who would listen until it all just comes to an abrupt stop. All is quiet. What am I going to do.....with two.